My depressing experience of applying to join golf clubs

Recently, Brian Inglis, a former golf club secretary, found himself on the other side of the manager’s table when he decided to join a local club for the first time in his life. He approached eight and, here, details the responses he received, which ranged from professional – to ‘depressing’ – examples of customer service

A little over a year ago I decided the time was right for me to apply to join a local golf club – the first time I had ever done so in my adult life. I have been a member of Falkirk Golf Club in central Scotland for nearly 40 years, and of course have also been afforded golf at the clubs at which I have been secretary, but suddenly realised that the process as endured by the golfer was something of a mystery to me. My experiences follow, with names omitted to protect the guilty, rude and incompetent.

I enquired by email to eight different clubs at random via the map on the excellent EGU Golf Central tool, stating that I was looking for a club to join, had no local knowledge and as such would like to have a tour of their club including a round of golf in the company of a prominent member or office bearer. I limited my background details to the facts that I am a past captain of the Falkirk Golf Club and that I have been a ‘Category 1’ golfer for many years.

Maidenhead Golf Club responded first, and it was clear that it had a friendly and capable assistant secretary who attached all the relevant information I was likely to want, and suggested some dates for me to play a courtesy round in the company of the membership chairman. Within an hour this had been arranged for the following week and I was struck by the ease with which this had been done and also the willingness to make it happen.

The rest of the clubs responded over the next two days, with Henley Golf Club being particularly impressive in the way it handled my enquiry. A game was swiftly arranged for a few days hence, and the coffee and banter in the clubhouse that morning was very enjoyable before heading up the first fairway with the membership chairman for a very cordial and relaxed round of golf. This was a club of which I would have been very comfortable becoming a member, especially so after the secretary joined us for a glass of beer at lunchtime, presented me with a centenary history of the club and assured me of his best attention should I wish to proceed with an application for membership. Simple efficiency, a great experience and the perfect response from a club clearly at ease with itself!

It is worth mentioning the experience I had at both of the ‘group’ clubs I visited – both readily invited me for a game and dealt with my enquiry in an efficient and enthusiastic manner. At the end of the day, one of the courses just wasn’t what I was looking for in terms of quality and challenge while the other had an inflexible and expensive debenture scheme (including country club) which elevated itself out of the question for what was an unremarkable golf course, so both were discounted.  Not for me but I could see the attraction of this type of golf membership.

At another club, the secretary invited me to have a ‘look around’, handed me some photocopied paperwork and spent a cursory 15 minutes with me before excusing himself. Any application from me would need to be put on display in the clubhouse in case any member objected, and a game of golf was out of the question without payment of a green fee. When I emailed him to advise that I would not be applying I received no reply. I got over that and moved on.

Another secretary also invited me for a ‘look around’ but then was late in arriving for our meeting, and seemed preoccupied throughout and generally indifferent as to whether I joined the club or not. A courtesy game was offered but it would be impossible to arrange a partner for this. Perhaps I wanted to tee off by myself before 7.30 one weekday morning? No thanks! There was a very nice dining room and a good car park though.

The director of golf of another club invited me along and suggested that I have my clubs in the car when I visited in case I fancied playing a few holes, a full round or hitting a few balls on the range. He would make me a member for the day and I could hang around as long as I wanted, which was a concept I quite liked. The annual subs and any joining fee payable were kept a secret until after the tour and I discovered that for no apparent reason the subs, including VAT, were around 50 per cent higher than average for the area. The final nail in the coffin was the need for him to tell me that the ‘star’ of a mildly amusing 1980s TV drama series was a member, which had me instinctively looking at my watch. I never found out whether the golf course was worthy of the inflated fee but I strongly suspect it was not.

The real comedy value came from one run-of-the-mill club and made me feel so sorry for the endlessly pleasant and helpful administrator who tried in vain to arrange a game of golf for me with the appropriate people. There was clearly no system in place and despite her best efforts we called time on the idea of me visiting the club a full two weeks after my enquiry. When I informed her that I had found a club to join, the general manager sent me a note to say how sorry he was that I hadn’t been able to see the course, but perhaps I would like to visit with a friend and redeem the 2-for-1 voucher which he was attaching. He didn’t actually attach the voucher but the idea was there and at least he was making an effort. By pure coincidence I later discovered that this club had some administrative issues and soon after that I saw the ‘general manager’ post advertised.

So – eight clubs had been quickly reduced to two and I was due to visit Maidenhead for a game. I was very pleasantly surprised to learn that the captain and secretary were making up what turned out to be a very convivial fourball on a golf course which is perfectly capable of selling itself and certainly did so on that glorious spring afternoon.

During the round I knew that it was Henley or Maidenhead for me – both clubs had been the model of efficiency and courtesy and I had a difficult choice to make. That choice would ultimately come down to the journey from home to Henley Golf Club taking me through a notorious bottleneck and although the club is marginally closer to home than Maidenhead Golf Club, I decided that the journey would frustrate me as the season went on and my mind was made up.

Back at Maidenhead … and as we enjoyed a cold beer on the terrace the secretary assured me that nothing would be a problem and that if I wanted to join, the club would be delighted to have me. He could do the needful there and then if I liked. Within a few minutes I had paid my bar levy and was officially a member. A few minutes later we had been joined by another two members whose welcome to the club was unmistakeably genuine. I had joined a golf club for the first time in my adult life and felt really good about it! Crucially I think they had enjoyed themselves too.

On reflection I was glad that all the clubs were not as good at it as Henley and Maidenhead as the choice would surely have been really difficult. I wasn’t looking for free golf, far from it, and it was only the mix of incompetence, indifference and unsuitability I was met with which ultimately helped to make the process easier for me.

I reckoned that I would receive the odd email from the clubs I had rejected, but to this day only one of them has ever been back in touch for any reason. On the basis that I instigated the process by emailing all the clubs in the beginning, I would have thought a ‘warm’ prospect like me would have been put on mailing lists for marketing / promotion purposes, and at the very least I may have received a courtesy email over the winter to ask if I had been satisfied with my choice of club. Wrong again, and my interest in all these clubs was allowed to disappear without a fight, which is probably the most disappointing and depressing thing of all.

Brian Inglis is a former golf club secretary and the head consultant of South Lodge Golf